Finally: A Horny Playlist That Doesn't Get Freaky Too Quickly
My Valentine's Day gift to you is an increasingly sexy playlist that I've timed out to the minute.
HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
You’ve got a date within the next few days and you have a feeling it won’t be a disaster. While riding this wave of confidence, you decide to make a playlist in the event that, later in the evening, someone throws out a “You wanna go back to my place?” You think it would be a good idea to assemble a playlist that makes you look cool and, above all, is sexy.
Fast forward 48 hours: You’re clutching a nightcap in your apartment and realize you’ve fallen into one of these common traps:
You forgot to start the playlist when you walked through the door. So now, if things start getting steamy, you’d have to say to your date, “Hold on a second. I just gotta put some music on,” which, in itself, is a momentum killer. And if that first song is too sexy, now you’re just a presumptuous dork who seems awfully prepared.
You started the playlist as soon as you and your date walked in the door, but didn’t account for the fact that the two of you would just… hang out for a bit. So now “Do you want a drink? Water or something?”, “Do you mind if I use the bathroom?”, “Aww, is this your cat?” are being scored by sexy music unfitting for the moment.
Music that felt unassuming to you two days ago now feels embarrassingly on-the-nose and pornographic. You’re no longer feeling present because you’re worried your date will pick up on horny lyrics.
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THERE’S ANOTHER WAY?
What if you could put on a playlist that feels like, “Oh, me? I just have this kind of music on all the time.” What if you had a playlist that starts as Chill-Flirty music, Pokémon evolves into Chill-Sexy and takes its final form as Baby-I’m-About-To-[REDACTED]-Your-[REDACTED] music?
Listening notes:
These are really good songs. And I promise they’re not too weird.
I’ve quite literally timed this out to the minute. I give you about an hour of music that doesn’t feel too sexy and has zero explicitly sexual lyrics. Please use this hour wisely.
Enable crossfade for no awkward pauses.
I’ve given this playlist a decoy title in case your date sees your phone. And also, if you have a smart home, you don’t have to yell, “ALEXA, PLAY ‘HORNY PLAYLIST.”
As per usual, the first song is free. It’s not going to be very sexy due to the structure of the playlist. But, similar to all the songs on the playlist, on its own it’s just a great song I love.
“Mamiya 7” - Ciao Ciao Marigold (2023)
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